Well, I was able to pull the lever for George W. Bush, and then I just kind of got crazy and pulled a straight Republican ticket. Maybe if I keep washing, I'll be able to get the dirt off. I can't see it, but I know it's there.

My rationale:

• President - George W. Bush: I didn't vote for him or Al Gore in 2000, but 9/11 shredded whatever libertarian foreign policy sympathies I had left. We will never be able to go back to isolationism. Never. The world is too small for that now. What it really comes down to is, when Bush says "Iran will not be permitted to acquire nuclear weapons", I know what he means without him having to say it. When John Kerry says it, I really don't know what he means, or whether he's serious. In John Kerry's 20+ years in the Senate, he's been on the wrong side of nearly every defense and foreign policy issue imaginable, and I'm just not at all convinced his latest tough talk is anything other than trying to get himself elected. On the domestic front, I agree with Kerry about two and a half things. The first two being Stem cell research, and the need to reduce the deficit. On these two issues, I give Kerry an edge. On the deficit, it's not because I believe Kerry is a spendthrift. Nationalized health care would require massive across the board tax increases which would swamp the economy and raise unemployment. Kerry would be better because he'd force a Republican congress to act like a Republican congress, and I think spending overall would drop. On stem cells, there's really no debate, Kerry is in favor of federal funding for new cell lines, Bush is not. This issue doesn't concern me as much, however, because even if the US doesn't do the research, it will still be done in other places. I don't like this situation, but the research will go forward and will not be stopped. The half issue is gay marriage. Kerry and Bush agree on being against it, but Kerry gets a slight edge because he doesn't support the Federal Marriage Amendment. Good for him! But it doesn't have a chance of passing even if Bush is president.
• US House - Michael Fitzpatrick: His opponent, Ginny Schrader, is a barking moonbat. She was against the War in Iraq, and favors nationalized health care, which I don't believe we can afford right now. Fitzpatrick lost points for being pro-life, but made some up by coming out in favor of federal funding for stem cell research. I can deal with pro-life if you're not insane about it. Plus, Ginny wants to take my guns away and Mike doesn't, so fuck her.
• PA Attorney General - Tom Corbett: I can't see any difference really between the two candidates, and I trust Corbett will sign reciprocity agreements with other states for firearm carry licenses. When there's little difference, it can come down to an NRA endorsement
• PA Auditor General - Joe Peters: I always vote for the opposite party of whoever occupies the executive branch. Our Governor, Ed Rendell, is a Democrat. I don't like the idea of Republicans auditing Republicans, and Democrats auditing Democrats.
• State Treasurer - Jean Pepper: I like women. I like Republican women. The other guy is Bob Casey Jr, who lost to Ed Rendell in the primary. I don't know much about Pepper, but I know enough about Bob Casey to know not to vote for him.
• PA State Rep - Matt Wright: He doesn't seem to push things that piss me off. Lots of bones to old people for prescription drugs and health care, but you have to expect that in a state with lots of old people. Doesn't seem to be too socially conservative. A rating from the NRA. Wants to keep taxes low. Wants medical malpractice reform. I can't find much good information on the democrat. If I can't find it on Google, you suck and don't deserve to win.

And now a message for all the parties out there that are worth writing anything about.

Democrats: Stop nominating barking anti-war moonbats. Get serious about the kind of world we live in. Stop pushing national health care plans that are too expensive. Get creative on this issue. Don't look at Canada and Western Europe as your model, they are all going to go broke paying for these systems in the next two decades. Stop trying to take my guns away from me. I'm not a criminal, so don't treat me like one. Please! I don't want to keep voting for Republicans who piss me off nearly as much as you do.

Libertarians: I've given up all hope on you. I don't think Libertarians are serious about building a serious political movement. You must, must be willing to compromise some of your principles if you want to build coalitions that will win elections. There's a constituency for more liberty, but you have to figure out a reasonable way to get there that won't scare voters. Nominating people like Michael Bednarik is not the way to do it. If there were a hall of fame for loose cannons, Bednarik would be Joe DiMaggio.

Republicans: Get rid of the religious right, please. Stop spending my kids money. Just stop. I liked you better when you were stodgy rich white guys instead of raving Christian fundamentalists. I don't really want the constitution to say anything about marriage, and I certainly don't want it telling the states what they have to think about it too. Stop pretending to be about limited government by pushing for more government. Bush has a great idea with the "Ownership Society". What a shame it just seems to be lip service.

Greens: Just go away! Socialism doesn't work. Earth first! We'll strip mine the other planets later. That is all.